Something I'm learning is Self-acceptance.
I don't like being called "emotional", "overly emotional" or having "lots of feelings."
I can emote more readily than most people and I don't think that is a weakness. I think it's a strength.
I honestly don't think I have more feelings than others, I think my access to them is a much shorter distance.
I have fell into a depression over the last few days and needed to miss a few days of work because of it. I feel I have finally floated to the top of the ocean and took my first breath. I was able to do this because I stopped fighting to hold the waves up. I didn't realize that I had been drowning in them.
I feel much shame because I notice the uncomfortability people have when I talk about my grief.
I have fell into a depression over the last few days and needed to miss a few days of work because of it. I feel I have finally floated to the top of the ocean and took my first breath. I was able to do this because I stopped fighting to hold the waves up. I didn't realize that I had been drowning in them.
I feel much shame because I notice the uncomfortability people have when I talk about my grief.
What I have come to realize is that it isn't about them, its about me. People can't handle grief or sadness. Most people anyway. And I think its because we are all carrying so much that we can't bear to hold any more. And to be quite honest I have been feeling that I'm cheating myself.
I tell people, when someone shares their feelings with me, I feel like I am on Holy Ground.
How lucky I am to witness their pain and help them hold it. I recognize that most people do not feel this way. What I am learning is to also turn this around to myself. That my feelings are Holy Ground. There are many secrets and lessons for me to learn and Love to give myself. And when I can hold my own feelings I feel so much more powerful as a human. My Spirit is filled and ready to give Love, once more. What a gift it is to be able to do this.
The last few days I have locked myself into my apartment. Walked around in my underwear, read, wrote, listened to music and cried. I cried in my fear and pain. My fear of what others thought of me and the pain of their judgements that I had placed on myself. As soon as I released this pain, I began to feel full again. I began to feel gratitude and meaning. I hadn't realized how much I was missing.
I tell people, when someone shares their feelings with me, I feel like I am on Holy Ground.
How lucky I am to witness their pain and help them hold it. I recognize that most people do not feel this way. What I am learning is to also turn this around to myself. That my feelings are Holy Ground. There are many secrets and lessons for me to learn and Love to give myself. And when I can hold my own feelings I feel so much more powerful as a human. My Spirit is filled and ready to give Love, once more. What a gift it is to be able to do this.
The last few days I have locked myself into my apartment. Walked around in my underwear, read, wrote, listened to music and cried. I cried in my fear and pain. My fear of what others thought of me and the pain of their judgements that I had placed on myself. As soon as I released this pain, I began to feel full again. I began to feel gratitude and meaning. I hadn't realized how much I was missing.
American culture lifts up the people who do not emote sadness. Or we capitalize on their sadness We do not have any tradition for holding grief and sadness. It seems the less you emote those feelings, the more likeable you are and the easier it is to climb the ladder to success. It's hard to make space for people who are sad because it brings out our own sadness. It is our fear of pain that stifles us.
Our feelings are what make life rich. We can hold both joy and sadness in the same hand if we are willing to accept that neither are good or bad and in fact both need the other to give meaning to life. It is the lack of emotion that makes us feel dead and apathetic.
So really, if I have feelings and it makes you uncomfortable it is because you are not comfortable with your own feelings. And that is sad. Because you are missing out on so much.
I will continue to emote and love myself through it. There is nothing wrong with me.
I don't owe you or anyone else, anything.
I'm truly learning how to love myself. I am becoming more comfortable enjoying my time alone and not looking for anyone else to tell me how to feel.
One of the issues I am becoming more aware of is the mixture of being an emoter and not knowing how to hold them.
That is something I am working on not being ashamed of. It's not my fault that I never learned how to hold my feelings and its also not fair for me to not learn because in actuality, no one can hold them better than me. And no one will ever know how to hold them better than me. With that being said, we deserve to ask for help and not everyone will be able to help hold your feelings and that's okay. Just know that you are worth it and don't give up.
Take it One Day at a Time.
Instead of pushing through, take time to acknowledge your feelings. As you do they will become lighter and more flexible. The reason they feel heavy is not because they are "too much" it is because you are using so much energy to hold them back.
It is much easier to let the wave crash over you than it is to hold it up.
I am beautiful in my sadness and in my joy. And I love all facets of myself.
Our feelings are what make life rich. We can hold both joy and sadness in the same hand if we are willing to accept that neither are good or bad and in fact both need the other to give meaning to life. It is the lack of emotion that makes us feel dead and apathetic.
So really, if I have feelings and it makes you uncomfortable it is because you are not comfortable with your own feelings. And that is sad. Because you are missing out on so much.
I will continue to emote and love myself through it. There is nothing wrong with me.
I don't owe you or anyone else, anything.
I'm truly learning how to love myself. I am becoming more comfortable enjoying my time alone and not looking for anyone else to tell me how to feel.
One of the issues I am becoming more aware of is the mixture of being an emoter and not knowing how to hold them.
That is something I am working on not being ashamed of. It's not my fault that I never learned how to hold my feelings and its also not fair for me to not learn because in actuality, no one can hold them better than me. And no one will ever know how to hold them better than me. With that being said, we deserve to ask for help and not everyone will be able to help hold your feelings and that's okay. Just know that you are worth it and don't give up.
Take it One Day at a Time.
Instead of pushing through, take time to acknowledge your feelings. As you do they will become lighter and more flexible. The reason they feel heavy is not because they are "too much" it is because you are using so much energy to hold them back.
It is much easier to let the wave crash over you than it is to hold it up.
I am beautiful in my sadness and in my joy. And I love all facets of myself.
