I feel it's time for me to write another blog. I feel a little all over the place which I think is a combination of medication change and being that favorite time of the month. (That was sarcasm if you couldn't tell.)
I am realizing more and more that life is what you make it, You can't choose your cards but you can choose how to play them. I think it is important to acknowledge your own feelings no matter what kind they are. It's what you choose to do with them is what makes the difference. Sometimes I feel that if I ignore any hurt feelings I may have that they will go away or that I "shouldn't" feel hurt about certain things. So my pride gets in the way of any kind of healing. I tell you what, pride is one of the most dangerous things. I'm not talking about confidence in yourself. Confidence is a positive thing. Pride is refusing to acknowledge something for fear of ruining your own self-image. Pride is what stands, in most situations, between the healing of yourself and/or between others.
I'm trying more and more to acknowledge these feelings and to not let them get in the way of me living a life full of love and happiness.
Along the lines of changing for the better, I have been working alot on my health. I feel I have been all over the board in this area as far as exercise and nutrition. I continue to learn the link between brain and body. There was a time when I was extremely depressed and weighed 225lbs on my 5'6" frame. When I decided to do something about that, I took matters into my own hands and decided that I needed to eat less fat and to exercise more. I started running and pretty much cut all fat out of my diet and then began counting calories in and calories out. At my lowest weight I weighed in at 140lbs, which is a healthy weight for my frame but how I got there and how I was keeping it was not. I binged and exercised long and hard and occasionally tried to make myself purge my food as well as abused laxatives. After finally acknowledging I had a problem, I began seeing a therapist, a dietician that specialized in eating disorders and occasionally a doctor to check up on my vitals. I gained some weight but learned to no longer fear food and that my body has it's own balance and that I need to listen to it and respect it.
I have currently been on Weight Watchers for about 7 months (?) and have lost 25lbs. I have also been to physical therapy for my brain injury in addition to some muscle injuries and have learned a lot about my body in general. From my brain injury doctors I have learned that exercise is one of the best things you can do for your brain. This gives me hope and motivation to exercise for more than one reason. For my cognitive function, for depression, and for health. Having gone to a physical therapist and having a boyfriend who is a Physical therapy Assistant. I have learned that a lot of health problems that occur with age and lifestyle can be prevented simply with exercise. There is more motivation right there. Not only did I learn this from my Physical therapist but I have also learned some of my minor aches and pains are because of weak muscles and can be corrected by strengthening them. These weaknesses may be minor now but could become worse down the road if I remain stagnant.
Through therapy in the past I have learned that by the looks of my body means nothing about my character or my importance as a person. I have learned that food is a pleasure and that I deserve to part-take in it. After reaching 175lbs I decided to join Weight Watchers and have learned a great deal more about what my body needs. I have realized that I entertain a great deal of emotional eating. I have also learned that this is only a quick fix and does not deal with the real issue. I am learning to comfort and celebrate life in more healthy ways. But as everyone knows, the longer you have had the habit, the harder it is to break. But this is where gentleness and patience comes in.
I am now balancing at 150lbs and doing my best to not worry about it too much and instead focus on listening to my emotional needs and to my hunger signals and feeding my body appropriately but still not forgetting to let myself enjoy the beauty of food. I am also looking to challenge myself with new exercises and being as strong as I can. I enjoy working out and reaping the benefits. Therefore I am constantly setting new exercise goals. I look forward to this lifestyle change.
I have also been having a great deal of thoughts of starting my own business. I would like to write about this more but the ideas are more like clouds working on forming into pictures right now.
I have not forgotten about writing a bookand have not done that yet because it floats around with those clouds upstairs. However, whatever motivation and enlightenment that I encounter, I will be sure to post here. Thank you for reading.
Love and peace to you,
Holli Lyons
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